tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
