the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I still have a little drunk in my system
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
