I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize
