You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My vagina just clenched in fear
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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