Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
