Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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