This house was built for laser tag.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
