WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You should frame my arrest warrant.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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