Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
