I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
we're making bets on your personal life
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
