I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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