after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
