i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
