woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
