well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
