arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
