I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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