Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
