lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
