my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
