And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
