If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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