GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
