I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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