Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
