FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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