I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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