Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
