I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
