thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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