I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
