He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
