I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
