you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
