No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
