party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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