I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
