just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
