Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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