and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
