I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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