They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
