Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
