a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
