He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Help. Why am I so naked?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
