I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
