And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
