im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
i now understand why vodka
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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