I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
