So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
