We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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