Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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