I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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