My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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