'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
