Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
