im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
