For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
